Author: ML
Spoilers: Pusher
Date: February 23, 2004 (written)
November 21, 2004 (posted to newsgroup)
Spoilers: Pusher
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not now, not ever. Sigh. But I claim visiting privileges.
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Connection
by ML
Mulder puts his gun in Scully’s hands and covers them with his, keeping the connection between them as long as possible. She can barely look at him. He jokes a little, forcing a painful smile from her, all the while thinking
One last squeeze of her hands and he stands up. “Let’s get this show on the road,” he says.
x-x-x
Even as he walks through the hospital, Scully’s with him. Her voice in his ear makes it possible for him to go on. It’s as though she truly is beside him with her hand on his arm, keeping him grounded.
x-x-x
He can’t look at her. He can’t take his focus off of Modell for a moment. If Scully’s voice is a guiding touch, Modell’s is a fist, pummeling him, forcing him. Pushing him. Until now, he hadn’t realized how apt the term is. It’s like being pushed under water.
“I’m gonna kill you Modell,” he grits out. Scully is trying to reach him but he has to close her out if he’s to keep Modell at bay.
Modell delivers a last punch but at the same second Scully makes her move. For that split second, he’s filled with Scully — her fear, her determination, and her love.
Yes. Her love. He feels immersed in it. Not the drowning sensation that Modell created in him, but a surrounding warmth. He can’t even begin to describe it when suddenly he’s lost it.
He’s not sure at first if he’s imagining the alarm bells or if they’re really ringing outside his head. At last the controlling pressure has been removed, leaving him limp and exhausted. He’s barely aware of his actions until he hears Scully’s voice again. He still can’t look at her. He holds out his gun and she takes it from him.
x-x-x
Mulder stares and stares at Modell in the cold blue room. He feels bereft. He’s an empty vessel now; not due to Modell’s absence, but due to missing Scully. Had he really felt what he felt? Where else would he have gotten the strength needed to resist Modell?
He’d give anything to feel that again. To feel so connected to another human being. To Scully.
The door opens and admits light and Scully. He can’t tell the two apart. Scully *is* light. She comes to stand beside him, and there’s a trace of the connection he felt before. He reaches out to her, but only in his mind.
Scully does him one better: she reaches for his hand. Her fingers brushing against his are his lifeline, and he holds on to them.
He feels less empty now. He allows Scully to lead him out into the light.
end.